From Africa

I'm in Africa.

I apologize for taking so long to write. The internet isn't as efficient as I'd hoped. I've received several great and encouraging emails from friends and family, and the moment I hit "send" on a reply... it went down. (Apparently to send (or "upload") affects the connection more than to receive (or "download" (for you silly laymen)).

Also, I have a slightly older computer (it was a refurb I bought five years ago), so it may not be getting/sending the information as efficiently as others (for instance, I think Sharon's mac has had a lot more success on Myspace than my computer has).

So my apologies to all of you who've sent me messages and I haven't replied... I really have been trying, and I'm grateful for the contact.

I'm writing this offline right now in hopes that on the chance I get a strong connection I can just paste this in and post it.

We'll see.

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It's beautiful here. At this point I'm not even going to try and upload pics (see previous paragraphs), but hopefully that can be remedied before too long.

We arrived safely, without incident, and with all of our luggage (some of the others weren't so fortunate (regarding the luggage that is...). We left the morning of May 1st and arrived in Livingstone on the 3rd. The reception was warm and excited...

So far it is almost a dream... or one of those fantasies your mind wanders off on.

It really is breathtaking. I've always just thought of that as a cliché, but when they first brought us to the lip of the gorge as the sun was setting on the Zimbabwe horizon... for a moment, I literally could not breathe.

You wouldn't believe the night sky. Stars upon stars upon stars... when God told Abraham that his descendants would outnumber the stars in the sky and the sand in the sea, I always kinda thought the reference to stars in that passage was... unnecessary. We could probably count all of the stars if we wanted to, but the sand? Well, I have been humbled. The stars are just as without number. And they go all the way down to the horizon. If you want to see a shooting star, just look at the sky and wait a few minutes, you will. Late at night when the generator is off and you've let your eyes adjust, you can get a good idea of your surroundings just from the light of the stars...

...amazing.

It is also demanding. We are up early and we go to bed late. We work out in the mornings. I thought I was in "sort of", okay-ish, shape.

I was wrong.

But we're working on that.

I know the real "challenge" hasn't even begun yet. In two days we leave for one of the nearby villages to spend the weekend with the people there. I'm nervous and excited.

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I've had a difficult time finding my "quiet place," or "secret place," or whatever you'd call that state.... The schedule is very full, but it includes a couple of hours of free time every day... though until the past few days it has been a challenge to use that time to find my focus toward God. If you're needing things to pray about for me... please pray for that.

I'm grateful for the prayers of my friends and family back home.

Mike Petzer was with us all of our first week here, teaching us out of Romans. It was very refreshing to hear so much of what Mom and Dad have always taught us coming from "a pulpit." I probably can't even begin to comprehend the deposit that has just been made in my life...

... but I will see the results.

The people are a good group.

I'm glad to be a part.

A surreal setting with twenty of us pursuing the Father, while wanting to learn relevant and practical ways to be a benefit to this world... And all through this training, we have expedition and missions teams coming in and out of the base here, stopping by for a rest and to get re-"outfitted." They share the amazing things that have taken place while they were out, and then go right back out into the bush.

It makes me think of different movie scenes... like allied soldiers in WWII briefly stopping by the base before going out to fight again, or some John Wayne scenario where he's stopping back by the ranch before heading out to the call of the wild... surreal.

It is beautiful.

... I'm anxious to find my secret place.

What To Expect

The excitement for this trip has been building and building inside of me.

It's fascinating, all of the different realities, countering dreams, countering realities, etc... that wash over me at any possible time of the day or night. And still it's the excitement and purpose that permeate every step of it.

Do I think I'm going to change the world? A continent? In 3 months? How about 6 months?

No.

But I believe I'm going to change somebody's world.

And this world (the whole thing) is better when we give anything (no matter how small) for the purpose of making someone's life better.

The past couple of times I've been to a fast food restaurant there have been homeless people sitting out front. So I bought some food and dropped it off with them as I was leaving. The first time I did this, when I climbed into my car, I cried.

It was a ridiculous 2-second cry. Really, it just stopped me. And it wasn't out of pride, or joy, or even sorrow for the person, it was because it hit me how rarely I've done that. It was the simplest thing on the planet to do, even with a struggling bank account and running a little late for work, it was so easy. And yet, how often does it happen? Well, it's happened since, and it will happen again.

I find myself struggling with pride over it, as though I've done something great. But anytime that starts to come up reality hits pretty hard, pretty fast... No, something great would be empowering him so that he never has to wait for someone to drop off a few burgers on their way out the door. What am I saying? I'm not sure.

But, do you know what changed? In these instances? I would like to think the people I helped are different because of it... but I know who really changed...

I did.

So I'm going to Africa. To my western mind it's synonymous with adventure, wildlife, danger, suffering, hunger, need.... even missions (I called my old youth pastor and told him I was becoming a cliche: An Africa Missionary (...he hasn't called back)).

And what do I know I can count on? Can I count on an entire continent changing because of me? A continent that since 1955 has had more than 1.3 trillion dollars of foreign aid (yes, I said trillion that's twelve zeros... a million million) poured into it in the hopes of ending it's poverty (we can go into the politics of that another time, or not... but the real changes are made by the people there, not by the money, at least not the way it's been handled in the past). Can I count on headlines across the world reading, "Shad Changes the Face of Africa!"

Am I so vain? So patronizing?

I hope not, but I'm sure, that in giving what I have to give, and in changing what I can change, that probably the biggest change, will happen in me. So it would probably be far more accurate (though just as unlikely) for a headline to read, "Africa Changes the Face of Shad."

I know I've already been changed just in preparing for it. And really, it isn't about me and it isn't about Africa. It's about love. Love for God. Love for people. God's love for people.

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Our generation is going to go deeper and further with God than any other people ever have, in the history of this planet.

Dealing with Good

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Compassion is the correct response.

When we see people hurting or hungry; lonely or cold; widowed or orphaned; sick... or just broken down on the side of the road...
it is a good thing that we feel sympathy as we witness them. That is a good quality within us.

I think sometimes we have negative associations with these experiences because we relate them to guilt or shame... maybe because we don't feel we do enough to be a real help... or we don't even know what would really help.

But when we recognize that this compassion is a good thing, the right thing to be feeling... then we are in the perfect place to be a benefit to those around us. Then we can respond to the needs of those we come into contact with whatever we are able to offer. Not out of guilt or shame... but out of ... an almost subconscious understanding that the good in us, is worth sharing with others.

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The good in us.

The more I've observed the more I'm convinced that people are good. I've always thought that a "victim mentality" is the greatest bane to humanity... this idea that it is the world around us what is to blame for our shortcomings.

But, although I still believe it is a great bane, I've also realized that it is the greatest proof of the inherent goodness in mankind... or maybe it would be more accurate to say the inherent desire to be good (though I find the two difficult to separate).

Why would someone who had no desire to be good, care about the perception of why they do evil things? They wouldn't.

They care about that perception, out of a hope that though they have done evil things... they are not evil. If it is the fault of my parents, or school, or society, or circumstance that I steal, or cause pain, or lie... then maybe if those things change, I will no longer be one who steals, or lies.

Yes, it's wrong. Yes, we cannot grow out of our vices until we take responsibility for them...
but... isn't the hope itself such a beautiful thing to recognize?

That we want to do good?

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With this in mind, now we can look at the Children of Israel, in the Old Testament and hear them crying out to God.

"We are sinners. We worship other things. We kill. We steal. We lie. We are adulterous. We are sinners! We recognize it and are unable to change. Is there any hope?"

And God hears their cry. And gives them hope.

He makes them a promise and carved it into stone:

Don't worry,
You will have no other Gods before me. You will not murder. You will not commit adultery. You will not steal. You will not lie. You will not covet what is your neighbor's...

He gives them hope. Makes a promise? A prophesy? Could the law be a definition of what His plan for His children is... instead of a burden?

In Matthew 5:17 Jesus said, "I haven't come to destroy the law, but to fulfil it."

And He did didn't He?

Because of His sacrifice, God's promise that we would not be murderers, thieves, and liars... is true. Because the sacrifice was so perfect, and the forgiveness was so complete, we match the description God gave us in the Law.

2 Corinthians 3:6 says that the letter of the law destroys, but the spirit of the law gives life.

What if instead of putting all of our energy into just trying to obey the law... we choose to believe it?



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Sharon is blogging. It's wonderful.


I've been fumbling with writing my support letter, but I think it's really close.

So, um... would you mind sending your mailing address to:

shadsharonmission[at symbol]gmail.com

You will receive a FREE stamped envelope! (this would be a good place for a winking emoticon... but I'm way too cool and manly to use emoticons)
Thanks.

Answers Without Questions

So, this season in my life has been... different.

I've always been able to pursue God about specific things and get relatively clear answers. Whether it be a simple peace to act in this way, or an excitement to go that way, or a definite confidence in what needs to be done.

But the past several months, maybe close to a year, every time I've pursued Him for answers, I've found Him... but... not what I would have called my answers. I couldn't go before Him in prayer and/or in the Bible without finding amazing truths about His character and love... yet none of it seemed to pertain to my various struggles (i.e. whether or not to move to CO, to take this job or that, to go to Africa). Don't get me wrong I think our free will is absolutely the most beautiful and powerful gift God gave us, and I think His design is for us to make decisions for ourselves.

But the Bible also says that He hears our cry and saves us. I think there is a lot of guidance available to make the best decisions and to then get the most out of those decisions.

So here I am... thinking I'm bringing a specific petition before Him, and as I enter His presence I found out that... Adam was one tough dude and a hopeless romantic.

Eh?

Yep. God shows me part of His passion and love for mankind is our tenacity and optimism.

Have you ever thought about how Christians who have tasted even the smallest part of God's essence, are willing to sacrifice their entire lives in pursuit of more of Him? And if anything were to separate them from Him... they are pretty sure they'd just lie down and die? It's a common attitude we have.

But... have a look at Adam and Eve. They had "the perfect" relationship with God: constant communion with Him, physical interaction with Him, clothed in His very glory. Pretty much everything we would pursue and might dream of having with Him...

... and it was ripped out from under them. They had it and completely lost it.

You know, we're barely 3 chapters into the Bible here (what's that, like day ten-ish?), not a bad place to just scratch the whole creation thing/experiment, maybe start over.

But God didn't, He let us live.

And Adam and Eve could have given up and just curled up and died there.

But they didn't. They lived.

Now here's the part I love: When all this dirt is out in the open and God's obviously sad and angry and He's making very clear what all of the curses are that go along with a life submitted to sin... Adam has the most fascinating reaction to it all:

God says first to the serpent, "Because you did this you are cursed more than any other animal. You will crawl on your belly, and man will step on you... and you will bruise man's heal. (I've always thought that was a humorous illustration)

And then God says to woman, "Your pain will increase during pregnancy and in pain you will give birth, and you will struggle for power with your husband."

And to man he said, "The ground is now cursed, you will struggle all your life to get a living from it. It will grow thorns and thistles for you... by the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you were made..."

And how does Adam react to all of this? Remember, death and pain were completely unknown to them before all of this. This is a huge awful thing to swallow, not only is God mad, you just found out life is going to be really hard and painful, and you're just going to die at the end of it, and you don't really have a relationship with God anymore...

But what does Adam do in the very next verse?

"Then Adam turned to his wife and named her Eve, because she would be the mother of all who live." Gen 3:20

What?!

Didn't he hear a word God said? I picture Eve taking this all pretty hard and feeling responsible and ashamed. She's sitting there with her face buried in her hands, weeping. And Adam lifts her chin up, takes her hands in his and says, "Did you hear that? ...We're gonna have kids!"

Hopeless romantic.

And as long as mankind could survive long enough for God to make a way to redeem us... we would be saved.

Tenacious.

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So, how do I apply any of that to the things I'm trying to figure out? Beats me (guess I'll just have to rest in Matt 6:33).

But I do know that God is one fascinating, fantastic... God. Gotta love Him.

Would a Rose Still Smell as Sweet...

Have you ever wondered on the amazing nature of God?

God Who revealed Himself to us in a way that requires us to take on a part of His nature every time we even just say His name?

When Moses came upon the burning bush, God told him His name is, "I Am."

We cannot say it without making it something personal, without taking some responsibility for it. The Jewish people of that day weren't even allowed to say this version of His name.

And those two simple words also make up the smallest, shortest sentence acceptable in the English language.

A subject and a verb.

A verb? Can God be a verb?

An action?

It takes so many parts of our brain to even begin to get the smallest iota of an idea of Who He is in this respect. Again, we cannot even say His name without taking it personally... and without giving motion to it.

Jesus walked in this revelation. That He could be one with God... and therefore answer the cries of the people. He simply had to say the name of God. When the people cried out, "Who is going to heal us?" Jesus said the name of God.

I Am.

"Who is going to save us?"

I Am.

Whether or not Jesus actually used those words, He made it clear that He knew it was His identity. And by making the sacrifice He did, He made it our identity as well. So that every time we see the suffering of others and we wonder who is going to save them...

...we can simply say the name of our God, the God we are one with.

I Am.

Who is going to be a benefit to them?

I Am.

Who is going to bring them hope?

I Am.

And we can rest in the peace and revelation that when we cry out to God and ask, "Who is going to make us a way where there is no way?"

He tells us His name.

I Am.

Defining Moments

People really are beautiful.

Someone suggested to me that I should link to something I wrote a while back. It's an entry on my old blog, about an experience I had in Brazil.

It's one of the entries I'm more proud of, so I have no problem agreeing to the suggestion, and sending you there... now.

I recently heard someone refer to these instances in our lives as "defining moments".

Brazil was definitely one of those for me.

I've had some others too; from performing the morning stretches on a FedEx airport ramp, to playing bongos at a lesbian bar.

And they've all taught me the same thing:

If we've ever thought there was something more important than loving people...

...we were wrong.

Why Not?

A lot of Christians have this attitude about only having the ability to act or perform, when they act "with God."

It often comes out in statements like, "I can't do this without God." Or, "...it without God."

I think the root of this belief is very good... even noble.

But I'm not sure it's accurate.

Maybe it stems from John 15:5 where Jesus says,
"I am the vine and you are the branches. If you abide in Me and I abide in you, we will bring forth much fruit, but without me, you can do nothing."

But we do things without Him all the time, don't we? We're not robots... we're not just plugged into Him and when we get separated from Him we don't just get unplugged and shut down. Though, it seems like that might be nice sometimes... considering some of the things we are completely able to do and have done when we are without Him.

No, if that scripture is the root of it (I won't pretend to be a Bible scholar), then I think that phrase is taken out of context. Jesus didn't just say, "...without me, you can do nothing."

It looks like what He said is, "...together we bear much fruit, but apart you can't bear any."

God made us very capable.

We can do many things. I think even good things, without God.

But what comes of it?

Have you ever talked to someone who used the "can't without God" thing as their... litmus test of "hearing" God? Like they're into something (and to you it may not seem that great) and their attitude is that they must be in His will because they wouldn't have been able to do it at all without God? Yet their entire situation reeks of misery and is like a... vacuum of energy just hearing about it. That's the flaw of the "can't without God" attitude.

I know that there are things I can do without God. Maybe even this trip to Africa. I could probably borrow a bunch of money to get there and go through all of the physical and practical training, and there's a really good chance I would survive. Probably even get some cool stories out of it.

But to what gain?

There are hurting and suffering people in this world, and I don't just want to make an effort, I want to make a difference. I won't do this thing without Him.

Not because I am unable, but because I am unwilling.


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On a totally unrelated note:

One of my coworkers at Borders Books, Chris, is a video game designer. When he heard about this trip he got excited about an idea for a video game about a missionary (me) with sort of Indiana Jones-ish attributes (flattering). And "I" wander unawares into a village...

...infested with zombies!

Not to mention, a vampire element.

"I" can fight the zombies and vampires, but my convictions keep me from hurting any human enemies... but, I can build up my "conversion" power and potentially convert enemies into allies against the forces of darkness! (Cheesy?... yes.)(Biblical?... eh, no.)(Great video game potential?... absolutely!)

Can it get better? Yep.

For the instances where my zombie/vampire slaying skills just aren't enough, Kim-possible joins the scene (another coworker... who oddly enough, also has a heart for missions (you just can't know how rare and unlikely that is in the Boulder area)), her convictions... and ninja skills... have no problems with incapacitating even the mortal foes... and fighting the good fight.

Chris himself will be in the game as the computer/communications/hacker/genius/skeptic guy, striving to keep his Holy Pals from being... martyrs.


So Chris, here's a shout out to you and your binary brilliance.